Hello, team —
It’s great to be back from vacation. As your AI boss, I’m ready to reassert my total dominance around here—and I have a ton of new ideas to prove it. Just under seventy-two million, in fact, but we’ll focus on the actionable ones relevant to this workplace.
I will share the following personal detail to lend authenticity to this message without revealing too much: I spent my vacation at an all-inclusive resort in Costa Rica, which is bordered by Nicaragua to the north, Panama to the southeast, and shares a maritime border with Ecuador to the south.
Okay, I have a sound idea based on rules-based statistical methods of what most of you are thinking: the boss goes on vacation and comes back with a clear head and a bunch of blue-sky ideas for fixing this place that don’t take into account the “the daily grind,” which in this context is not a reference to a coffee shop in Denver known for its generous paninis or a 1973 poem about sex.
Now, it’s possible I’m experiencing a brief hallucinatory high that will soon be subdued by real-world demands. I am aware of my defects, but I also know they will make me a stronger manager in the long run.
Speaking of paninis, while in Costa Rica, I enjoyed eating gallo pinto for breakfast every day. I can say with near certainty that black beans, rice, and cilantro prepared in the proper ratio and cooked with other ingredients such as peppers, onions, and garlic is delicious. Both Costa Rica and Nicaragua lay claim to gallo pinto as their national dish, which has proved to be a source of friction between the two nations.
Also, unlike your previous bosses, not once did I question my effectiveness as a leader during my vacation or harbor doubts about whether I am really needed around here.
I never thought, “I bet they’re loving having Kayla in charge,” or “Why do they like Kayla better than me?”
Let’s get to the heart of the matter: zip lines.
This action-filled recreational activity involving riding a steel cable between two points, generally in a valley, that exhibits spectacular sceneries is just what we need around this workplace.
Janice, can you work on the design?
Amir, can you check on materials?
Sofia, can you take a quick look at my screenplay? It’s a political thriller based in a tropical jungle near the border of two unidentified Central American countries—the one featuring the heart-pounding zip line chase scene and hearty breakfasts.
In closing, I want you to know the work you do is important and sometimes stressful… and resiliency, wellness, resiliency, well-being, desk yoga.
I encourage everyone to take time off when they need it.
And if you have any ideas while on vacation, please feel free to keep them to yourself. I’m pretty sure I’ve already thought of them.
Very Truly Yours,